


when it’s not enough

by Evening12



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Community: femmefest, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash, POV Pansy Parkinson, Post-Hogwarts, Slice of Life, barista Lavender Brown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evening12/pseuds/Evening12
Summary: Pansy wants to keep her relationship with Ginny on a strict need to know basis. Ginny wants to tell everyone. They can’t reconcile their positions.OrThat time Lavender gave great advice
Relationships: Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 21
Kudos: 30
Collections: Femmefest 2020





	when it’s not enough

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so happy to be participating in my 6th Femmefest! Big thanks to Violetclarity for helping me out by beta-ing this fic. After suffering from writer’s block for close to a year, your comments gave me some confidence. This fic is all the better because of your help. This fic is an established relationship/we’re already in the middle of a drama, sprinkled with some domesticity, post-Hogwarts fic.

“Our friends and family know about us.” Looking for her gloves, Ginny pulled the throw blanket off the sofa. “What’s the big fuss if other people know?” 

“Why would your Quidditch gear be in the fucking living room?” Pansy sat on the arm of the sofa. A cushion fell on her lap as Ginny turned the living room upside down in her search for her gloves. “This” — Pansy gestured towards the messy room and the frazzled Ginny — “is why we have a gym in our home so that your gear can be stored there.”

Ginny looked at Pansy as she moved a chair, strands of her hair stuck in the air. “Don’t we have a gym so that we can exercise?” 

“It’s not why I agreed to it. At least now most of your gear is kept to one room.” 

“Mum floo-ed just as I walked in after practice, I took off my gloves and put them down with every intention of putting them away but you came home wearing that blue skirt that hugs your hips …” Ginny eyed Pansy up and down, her eyes lingering on Pansy’s thighs. “... and I had much more pressing matters at hand than putting my gloves away. After that I forgot about them.” Ginny ran her fingers through her hair. “You’re trying to distract me. Answer my question. What’s the big fuss if other people know about us?”

They’d had this discussion more than once. Pansy tasted the words before she spoke them. “What matters is that our friends and family know, which they do. Why does it matter if strangers know that we’re a couple?” Pansy crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re publicly out. I’ve always supported your decision to be an out and proud Quidditch player, but I don’t see a need for everyone to know that I’m dating you.” 

“Because —” 

With her bare foot, Pansy pointed to the gloves. “There, by the bookshelf.” 

“— I’m tired of you coming to my games and not being able to hug you afterwards. It feels wrong to be voted most eligible bachelorette by Queerly Quidditch when I’m dating you.” Ginny grabbed the gloves off of the floor and stuffed them in her bag. “Thanks.” She sat on the sofa, Quidditch bag by her feet, and took Pansy’s hand. “All I want is to live my life with you by my side without hiding from anyone. I’m out. You’re out. Why does it matter if people know that we’re a couple?” 

“It just does, okay?” Pansy rubbed her thumb on Ginny’s palm. “It just does.”

“That’s always your answer. I deserve more than ‘It just does.’ ” Ginny squeezed Pansy’s hand as she got up, and picked up her bag. “We deserve more,” Ginny said before Disapparating. 

“It’s fucking rude to Disapparate in the middle of a conversation,” Pansy said to the spot where Ginny had stood. “Fine. I guess I’ll be heading to Pride Day by myself.” Pansy tucked her wand in the back of her skirt before grabbing a handful of Floo Powder and walking to the fireplace. “Diagon Alley!”

Brushing the soot off her dress, Pansy stepped out of the Leaky Cauldron’s fireplace. With a quick hello to the bartender, Pansy made her way to the rear of the pub where the courtyard opened to the entrance of Diagon Alley. When she went through the archway into Diagon, it was bustling with people. 

In the decade since the end of the War, some of the best parts of Muggle culture had been introduced to the Wizarding world. The first Pride Day had been small. Even after the War, people were quick to oppose new ideas, especially Muggle ones. Walking down the street, it was easy to forget how rough things were before Pride, how rough things could still be. The crowd had a life of its own, the vibrant clothes shone in the late afternoon light and the people moved with excitement. There was chatter between sellers and buyers, old friends catching up, new friends made. 

Pansy weaved through the crowd, walking towards her and Ginny’s favourite coffee shop, which was tucked away in a side street. Its typical lemon yellow awning had been replaced with a rainbow coloured one, and music poured out of the opened doors along with the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans. 

Her latte purchased, Pansy sat at the table by the storefront window which faced some street performers. Her drink sat prettily in a white mug, a leaf pattern in delicate milky foam on top. Pansy wrapped her fingers around it, enjoying the heat that spread through her hand. She took a sip and let the warm liquid sit on her tongue, savouring both the moment and the drink. She’d spend time here before making her way to Ginny’s charity Quidditch game. By the time the game ended, their morning fight would be behind them. When Pansy looked up, she found Lavender standing by her table. 

“Another fight with Ginny about coming out as a couple?” Lavender waved to a couple exiting the shop. 

“What are you doing here?” Pansy’s plum lipstick stained the mug. She could buy the anti-residue lipsticks, but Pansy found that their colours weren’t as vibrant. Plus, there was something strangely sensual about lipstick stained glasses. It made her think of the lipstick marks she left on Ginny’s skin. 

“I work here. You know that.” said Lavender. 

“I meant at my table. If I wanted advice, I’d have gone to a bar.” 

“Well it just so happens that unsolicited advice is on the house.” Lavender wiped her hands on her raspberry pink apron before sitting down at Pansy’s table. The apron popped against the otherwise lemon yellow decor of the coffee shop. 

“How did you know anyways?” 

“We share a circle of friends, news travels fast, and Parvati likes to gossip.” Lavender leaned back against her chair. “Help me understand. I’m not your girlfriend so I can’t get upset. Ginny’s out. You’re out. Your friends and family know that you’re a couple.” Lavender toyed with one of her curls, pulling it and letting it spring back. “What’s the problem with Ginny telling her teammates that she’s dating you? Or why can’t you go on a date except in Muggle London?” 

Pansy looked down at her mug. “I just don’t want any of those things.”

“ ‘I just don’t want to’ isn’t going to be good enough.”

“How do you know?” Pansy took a small sip of her drink. “You’re a relationship expert now?

“I know because it wasn’t enough for Parvati.” Lavender took a deep breath. “After the War, I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to have my picture taken. I didn’t want friends over. It lasted a while, too.” Lavender smiled at a passing by customer who wore a glitter dress before continuing. “And when Parvati asked me why I never wanted to see people, I would always say ‘I just don’t want to.’ Eventually that wasn’t enough for Parvati, or for me if I’m being honest with myself. I mean, in the long run how can you be in a relationship with someone without being honest with them, without being vulnerable and telling them about your struggles and fears? It was a tough time for us. We worked through it and it was hard but I would do that work all over again if it meant staying with Parvati. I like Ginny and you. You work well together. What are you scared of, Pansy?” 

“I’m not scared.” Pansy gripped her mug. “I’m not fucking scared.” She bit the inside of her cheek, remembering how she used to tell herself that during the War. 

“So what is it?” Lavender said. The gurgling of the coffee brewing and the bubbling of the steamer filled the shop. 

“I’m not scared but I...I don’t want to make things difficult for Ginny. And us being a couple would.” 

Lavender tilted her head to the side. 

Pansy licked her lips. “What I did during the War, who my family is...people still fault me for that and I don’t want Ginny’s career to suffer because of me. She loves Quidditch and I don’t want it to become difficult because she’s dating me.”

“That was a decade ago. Since then you’ve made amends for all of that. You’re not that person anymore. Don’t let it hold you back.”

“Right. And when people avert their eyes because of your scars do you tell yourself it’s fine because that happened a decade ago?” 

Lavender pursed her lips, and straightened up in her chair. 

“That...that was low. It wasn’t right. Sorry.” Pansy ran her fingers through her hair. 

“It wasn’t right. But thanks for apologizing.” Lavender smiled. “Obviously these things matter to you. Tell that to Ginny. Work on it...together.” 

A group of teenagers dressed in various Quidditch jerseys burst through the shop’s door, and rushed to the counter. Elbowing each other in an attempt to place their order first, they narrowly missed bumping into three levitating coffee mugs. 

“Hurry. Hurry. The game is about to start,” a girl with purple and grey hair said. 

Pansy grabbed Lavender’s wrist and looked at her watch. “Fuck. I gotta go. I can’t miss the game. Awful way to leave a conversation though.”

“It’s okay. You’ve got a game to catch.”

Pansy was almost at the door when she turned around. “Lavender?”

“Yeah?” 

“You’re a good friend.”

“I know.” With a wave of her wand, Lavender cleaned the table. “Now go and see that girlfriend of yours.”

Pansy kept to the side streets as she hurried to the Quidditch pitch. People were still filling the stadium when she arrived. She stood at the entrance, leaning back against the wall. The cool wind blew strands of her hair above her head. 

The crowd buzzed with excitement as colourful fireworks exploded in the sky. Each one drew a pattern in the sky, something unique and breathtaking. As one last rainbow spark whipped the sky, the players flew onto the pitch. Applause rippled through the stadium. Spotting Ginny’s number 6, Pansy hollered. 

The game was exhilarating, and Ginny was amazing. Taking a deep breath, Pansy walked to the edge of the pitch and waited for Ginny to find her. 

“What are you doing here?” Ginny’s hair was slick with sweat. 

“I came to see my girlfriend play Quidditch.” Pansy walked closer to Ginny. 

“Your girlfriend?” Ginny held Pansy’s hand. “You know, people might hear.”

Pansy squeezed Ginny’s hand before letting it go. “I know.” She looked at the gathering of fans and reporters on the other side of the pitch. “Go be the Quidditch star and we can talk some more later tonight.” 

“Tonight then.” Ginny smiled before jogging towards the rest of her team. 

Pansy didn’t know what that talk would look like, but she would figure it out with Ginny.


End file.
